I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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