I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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