So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
