Say something about gay babies.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
