Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
