I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize