Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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