I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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