why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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