So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
