dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
