I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
