tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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