its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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