remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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