In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
