if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dignity is for republicans.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
