I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
