I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
