just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
