can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
