The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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