saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
