You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
