he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
