Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
