I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
