but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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I feel like a drive thru vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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