Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
