I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
