yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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