i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
