Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
