don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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