my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
