i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
