I love black thongs
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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