she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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