I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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