we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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