the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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