To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
