Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
