I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
