So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
