i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think your dad took our porno
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
