My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
as a side note pls kill me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
