piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
