I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
