i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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