There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
