I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
50% drunk capacity currently
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
