she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
