areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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