life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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